So my wife joined Snapchat. Finally, she and I can communicate through quick, fleeting images of each other wearing dog ears. The day she joined, I did what any normal husband/father of two does - I send her a dick pick. It’s why Snapchat exists, right? I was paying tribute to the platform’s roots. Really strange, though, pointing my phone at my penis and snapping a photo – framing it up, focusing, making it pop. Not that I was trying to do it justice. My penis doesn’t seek justice. Just a nice pat on the head every once in a while…but anyway it was weird primping it for a photo shoot. After taking the shot and typing, “Welcome to Snapchat!”, I entered my wife’s handle and sent it through. Later that evening I asked if she'd received anything interesting on her first day of Snapchat, tee hee. "No," she replied. "NO? What do you mean NO?" Obviously she didn’t grasp the user functions yet. So I grabbed her phone and opened the app. She was right. No message alerts, nothing. My exposed ding dong was out there somewhere, on some cloud, possibly in the palm of some other woman, or MAN, and I had no idea where. I must have mistyped my wife’s username before sending. Exactly one week later, I get a call from my friend Billy. It’s his dad. Brain cancer.
